Tuesday, March 3, 2015

Reflections - Learn to Love Again

It's been awhile since I've posted anything on here. Life has changed so much just in the last year. Yesterday, March 2, marked a milestone I never thought would happen - it was the 2 year anniversary of a close friend's sudden death from an aneurysm. I think about him all the time, everyday. Not a day goes by that he doesn't cross my mind so the anniversary of his death was only different in that it gave me the opportunity to reflect on the time that's passed.

I never thought I'd feel the way I did yesterday. I was sad, yet I wasn't grieving. I didn't know how it could ever get easier to deal with his absence or the pain of losing him so suddenly...but it has gotten easier. I recognize that it wasn't the end of the world for me. The pain I've endured has allowed me to grow stronger, to recognize that I am indeed a survivor. The pain hasn't subsided, it's simply gotten easier to manage. Some days it's like I'm being hit with a huge wave, I'm drowning with grief and can't breathe, and other days I'm doing well.

I learned so much from him in the brief time we had together, and from no longer having my first true love in my life. He taught me a lesson even in his death and that was that we really truly weren't meant to be together forever. We loved each other, but we couldn't be together forever. He taught me that it is possible to love and to be loved, and that it's possible for it to happen again. He taught me that the next person to love me will accept me for me and respect me and my journey, and that I shouldn't accept anything less. He taught me that he will always be by my side even in death because I occasionally feel his presence guiding me through the moment.