Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Christmas at the Gas Station

This is a few days late, but still a great story!! Might need some tissues before you start reading…


Christmas at the Gas Station


The old man sat in his gas station on a cold Christmas Eve. He hadn't been anywhere in years since his wife had passed away. It was just another day to him. He didn't hate Christmas, just couldn't find a reason to celebrate. He was sitting there looking at the snow that had been falling for the last hour and wondering what it was all about when the door opened and a homeless man stepped through. 
Instead of throwing the man out, Old George as he was known by his customers, told the man to come and sit by the heater and warm up. "Thank you, but I don't mean to intrude," said the stranger. "I see you're busy, I'll just go." 
"Not without something hot in your belly." George said. 
He turned and opened a wide mouth Thermos and handed it to the stranger. "It ain't much, but it's hot and tasty. Stew ... Made it myself. When you're done, there's coffee and it's fresh." 
Just at that moment he heard the "ding" of the driveway bell. "Excuse me, be right back," George said. There in the driveway was an old '53 Chevy. Steam was rolling out of the front.. The driver was panicked. "Mister can you help me!" said the driver, with a deep Spanish accent. "My wife is with child and my car is broken." George opened the hood. It was bad. The block looked cracked from the cold, the car was dead. 
"You ain't going in this thing," George said as he turned away. 
"But Mister, please help ..." The door of the office closed behind George as he went inside. He went to the office wall and got the keys to his old truck, and went back outside. He walked around the building, opened the garage, started the truck and drove it around to where the couple was waiting. "Here, take my truck," he said. "She ain't the best thing you ever looked at, but she runs real good." 
George helped put the woman in the truck and watched as it sped off into the night. He turned and walked back inside the office. "Glad I gave 'em the truck, their tires were shot too. That 'ole truck has brand new ." George thought he was talking to the stranger, but the man had gone. The Thermos was on the desk, empty, with a used coffee cup beside it. "Well, at least he got something in his belly," George thought. 
George went back outside to see if the old Chevy would start. It cranked slowly, but it started. He pulled it into the garage where the truck had been. He thought he would tinker with it for something to do. Christmas Eve meant no customers. He discovered the the block hadn't cracked, it was just the bottom hose on the radiator. "Well, shoot, I can fix this," he said to himself. So he put a new one on. 
"Those tires ain't gonna get 'em through the winter either." He took the snow treads off of his wife's old Lincoln. They were like new and he wasn't going to drive the car anyway. 
As he was working, he heard shots being fired. He ran outside and beside a police car an officer lay on the cold ground. Bleeding from the left shoulder, the officer moaned, "Please help me." 
George helped the officer inside as he remembered the training he had received in the Army as a medic. He knew the wound needed attention. "Pressure to stop the bleeding," he thought. The uniform company had been there that morning and had left clean shop towels. He used those and duct tape to bind the wound. "Hey, they say duct tape can fix anythin'," he said, trying to make the policeman feel at ease. 
"Something for pain," George thought. All he had was the pills he used for his back. "These ought to work." He put some water in a cup and gave the policeman the pills. "You hang in there, I'm going to get you an ambulance." 
The phone was dead. "Maybe I can get one of your buddies on that there talk box out in your car." He went out only to find that a bullet had gone into the dashboard destroying the two way radio. 
He went back in to find the policeman sitting up. "Thanks," said the officer. "You could have left me there. The guy that shot me is still in the area." 
George sat down beside him, "I would never leave an injured man in the Army and I ain't gonna leave you." George pulled back the bandage to check for bleeding. "Looks worse than what it is. Bullet passed right through 'ya. Good thing it missed the important stuff though. I think with time your gonna be right as rain." 
George got up and poured a cup of coffee. "How do you take it?" he asked. 
"None for me," said the officer.. 
"Oh, yer gonna drink this.  Best in the city. Too bad I ain't got no donuts." The officer laughed and winced at the same time. 
The front door of the office flew open. In burst a young man with a gun. "Give me all your cash! Do it now!" the young man yelled. His hand was shaking and George could tell that he had never done anything like this before. 
"That's the guy that shot me!" exclaimed the officer. 
"Son, why are you doing this?" asked George, "You need to put the cannon away. Somebody else might get hurt." 
The young man was confused. "Shut up old man, or I'll shoot you, too. Now give me the cash!" 
The cop was reaching for his gun. "Put that thing away," George said to the cop, "we got one too many in here now." 
He turned his attention to the young man. "Son, it's Christmas Eve. If you need money, well then, here. It ain't much but it's all I got. Now put that pea shooter away." 
George pulled $150 out of his pocket and handed it to the young man, reaching for the barrel of the gun at the same time. The young man released his grip on the gun, fell to his knees and began to cry. "I'm not very good at this am I? All I wanted was to buy something for my wife and son," he went on. "I've lost my job, my rent is due, my car got repossessed last week." 
George handed the gun to the cop. "Son, we all get in a bit of squeeze now and then. The road gets hard sometimes, but we make it through the best we can." 
He got the young man to his feet, and sat him down on a chair across from the cop. "Sometimes we do stupid things." George handed the young man a cup of coffee. "Bein' stupid is one of the things that makes us human. Comin' in here with a gun ain't the answer. Now sit there and get warm and we'll sort this thing out." 
The young man had stopped crying. He looked over to the cop. "Sorry I shot you. It just went off. I'm sorry officer." 
"Shut up and drink your coffee " the cop said. 
George could hear the sounds of sirens outside. A police car and an ambulance skidded to a halt. Two cops came through the door, guns drawn. "Chuck! You ok?" one of the cops asked the wounded officer. 
"Not bad for a guy who took a bullet. How did you find me?" 
"GPS locator in the car. Best thing since sliced bread. Who did this?" the other cop asked as he approached the young man. 
Chuck answered him, "I don't know. The guy ran off into the dark. Just dropped his gun and ran." 
George and the young man both looked puzzled at each other. 
"That guy work here?" the wounded cop continued. 
"Yep,"  George said, "just hired him this morning. Boy lost his job." 
The paramedics came in and loaded Chuck onto the stretcher. The young man leaned over the wounded cop and whispered, "Why?" 
Chuck just said, "Merry Christmas boy ... and you too, George, and thanks for everything." 
"Well, looks like you got one doozy of a break there. That ought to solve some of your problems." 
George went into the back room and came out with a box. He pulled out a ring box. "Here you go, something for the little woman. I don't think Martha would mind. She said it would come in handy some day." 
The young man looked inside to see the biggest diamond ring he ever saw. "I can't take this," said the young man. "It means something to you." 
"And now it means something to you," replied George. "I got my memories. That's all I need." 
George reached into the box again. An airplane, a car and a truck appeared next. They were toys that the oil company had left for him to sell. "Here's something for that little man of yours." 
The young man began to cry again as he handed back the $150 that the old man had handed him earlier. 
"And what are you supposed to buy Christmas dinner with? You keep that too," George said. "Now git home to your family." 
The young man turned with tears streaming down his face. "I'll be here in the morning for work, if that job offer is still good." 
"Nope. I'm closed Christmas day," George said. "See ya the day after." 
George turned around to find that the stranger had returned. "Where'd you come from? I thought you left?" 
"I have been here. I have always been here," said the stranger. "You say you don't celebrate Christmas. Why?" 
"Well, after my wife passed away, I just couldn't see what all the bother was. Puttin' up a tree and all seemed a waste of a good pine tree. Bakin' cookies like I used to with Martha just wasn't the same by myself and besides I was gettin' a little chubby." 
The stranger put his hand on George's shoulder. "But you do celebrate the holiday, George. You gave me food and drink and warmed me when I was cold and hungry. The woman with child will bear a son and he will become a great doctor. 
The policeman you helped will go on to save 19 people from being killed by terrorists. The young man who tried to rob you will make you a rich man and not take any for himself. "That is the spirit of the season and you keep it as good as any man." 
George was taken aback by all this stranger had said. "And how do you know all this?" asked the old man. 
"Trust me, George. I have the inside track on this sort of thing. And when your days are done you will be with Martha again." 
The stranger moved toward the door. "If you will excuse me, George, I have to go now. I have to go home where there is a big celebration planned." 
George watched as the old leather jacket and the torn pants that the stranger was wearing turned into a white robe. A golden light began to fill the room. 
"You see, George ... it's My birthday. Merry Christmas." 
George fell to his knees and replied, "Happy Birthday, Lord Jesus" 

This story is better than any greeting card.

Now clear the lump from your throat, blow your nose, and send this along to a friend of yours or someone who may need a reminder as to why we celebrate Christmas.


Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Quotes for Women By Women

"Some people change us whether we want them to or not. They come into our lives, enter our hearts and we are touched forever. We are never the same after all of the special moments we've shared--from the pool parties to the picnics, from sledding in the parks to the trips to the beach in the summer, and from dinner on Friday nights to the movies on Saturday afternoons. And the moments that mean the most are the priceless ones shared during those outings when we've realized that none of us could have ever truly lived without the other." (me)

"People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within." Elizabeth K├╝bler-Ross

"Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them, but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them, and try to follow where they lead." —Louisa May Alcott

"Cautious, careful people always casting about to preserve their reputation or social standards never can bring about reform. Those who are really in earnest are willing to be anything or nothing in the world's estimation, and publicly and privately, in season and out, avow their sympathies with despised ideas and their advocates, and bear the consequences." —Susan B. Anthony

"The day will come when man will recognize woman as his peer, not only at the fireside, but in councils of the nation. Then, and not until then, will there be the perfect comradeship, the ideal union between the sexes that shall result in the highest development of the race." —Susan B. Anthony

Sunday, December 25, 2011

Christmas Day 2011

This year is different in so many ways. The simplest way to explain the differences is that time has changed my perspective. Our lives change & subtly, so do the major holidays. We’re each making choices to live our lives and spend our holidays differently than we used to. As nice as it’d be to have everyone together again, I think we’re all happier with the way it is – with each of us doing what we enjoy and what is possible at this stage in our lives.

I’m thankful to have my family and friends – the ones I know who truly care about me are the ones who’ve been there for me through good times and bad.  You actually tell me or show me that you care about me, unlike other people who just claim we’re friends but then never do anything about it. The holidays are a time to show the ones you love just how much you love them – not by the number of gifts, but by the quality of time you spend with them.  If you can’t spend the holidays with certain people, a few simple words will definitely go a long way and can make all the difference to someone. It’s not just during the holidays though that a few simple nice gestures will make a difference. A few kind words always make a positive difference especially when it’s least expected.

The "W" in Christmas - Anonymous

Each December, I vowed to make Christmas a calm and peaceful experience.

I had cut back on nonessential obligations - extensive card writing, endless baking, decorating, and even overspending.

Yet still, I found myself exhausted, unable to appreciate the
precious family moments, and of course, the true meaning of Christmas.

My son, Nicholas, was in kindergarten that year. It was an exciting season for a six year old.

For weeks, he'd been memorizing songs for his school's "Winter Pageant."

I didn't have the heart to tell him I'd be working the night of the production. Unwilling to miss his shining moment, I spoke with his teacher. She assured me there'd be a dress rehearsal the morning of the presentation.

All parents unable to attend that evening were welcome to come then.

Fortunately, Nicholas seemed happy with the compromise.

So, the morning of the dress rehearsal, I filed in ten minute early, found a spot on the cafeteria floor and sat down. Around the room, I saw several other parents quietly scampering to their seats.

As I waited, the students were led into the room. Each class, accompanied by their teacher, sat cross-legged on the floor. Then, each group, one by one, rose to perform their song.

Because the public school system had long stopped referring to the holiday as "Christmas," I didn't expect anything other than fun, commercial entertainment songs of reindeer, Santa Claus, snowflakes and good cheer.

So, when my son's class rose to sing, "Christmas Love," I was slightly taken aback by its bold title.

Nicholas was aglow, as were all of his classmates, adorned in fuzzy mittens, red sweaters, and bright snowcaps upon their heads.

Those in the front row- center stage - held up large letters, one by one, to spell out the title of the song.

As the class would sing "C is for Christmas," a child would hold up the letter C. Then, "H is for Happy," and on and on, until each child holding up his portion had presented the complete message, "Christmas Love."

The performance was going smoothly, until suddenly, we noticed her; a small, quiet, girl in the front row holding the letter "M" upside down - totally unaware her letter "M" appeared as a "W".

The audience of 1st through 6th graders snickered at this little one's mistake. But she had no idea they were laughing at her, so she stood tall, proudly holding her "W".

Although many teachers tried to shush the children, the laughter continued until the last letter was raised, and we all saw it together.

A hush came over the audience and eyes began to widen.

In that instant, we understood the reason we were there, why we celebrated the holiday in the first place, why even in the chaos, there was a purpose for our festivities.

For when the last letter was held high, the message read loud and clear:

"C H R I S T W A S L O V E"

And, I believe, He still is.

Amazed in His presence……humbled by His love.



Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Poem: Habitat for Humanity: Spring Break Collegiate Challenge 2007

One week shared
on a mission under God’s eye
We are his hands in helping others
coming together to change a life
and we change each other’s too
Friendships made—for a lifetime?
Only time will tell,
or maybe just a brief passing
who came to us for a reason
to prove we have a strong connection
we didn’t know existed at first.
We were almost strangers
who chose to spend a week
doing something for a good cause
and we’ve come out with such a
great satisfaction and brand new friendships
                -maybe for a lifetime?
We walk away with so much positive energy
I smile wide, I nod
and I am so genuinely happy
All so happy with being accepted 
Maybe this time…
maybe this time I can take this beautiful chance
this opportunity to run
and begin a new life
Thank you for the inspiration…

Poem: Time Marches On

taken back so many years, so long ago
memory fails us as humans
how must I remember?
how must I still feel that?
confusion rages my heart, mind, and soul
as it all turns to words on a page
pen to paper
mind to matter
and memory fades
as the clock ticks on to the future

time marches on
time marches on

and we see how life changes overall
and people continue to wait for it
                for the second coming
some say that some revelation is at hand
but as we wait, the winds blow on
the river still runs and the rain still falls
sunshine will return again tomorrow
as the moon holds her own tonight
                amongst the bright sparkling stars
shining through the everlasting clouds

time marches on
time marches on

and things seem to fall apart
shall things further fall
or shall a second coming satisfy those who’ve long awaited?
must humanity suffer for many more millennia
must we fight and kill
over who is right and who is wrong?
we all get judged in the end
so what does it matter who judges now?
why are we so different?
you’re right, I’m right
just different, not wrong
or maybe we are more similar than we realize?
some understand
                some accept
                                some overcome
yet some will fight and kill

time marches on
time marches on

some force beliefs on others
some turn the other cheek
so different, yet so similar that we conflict over those minute differences
                big deal? Yes.

illusions are apparent; arise again and again
experiences define who we are
we interpret it all so differently
sometimes pain. always hurt..
the memory still exists of all who’re lost
                can the heartache ever be eased?
in time it will be forgotten
and only then will the sun and moon remain

Time marches on
Time marches on

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Quote of the Day: Here's to You

"When you're trying to motivate yourself, appreciate the fact that you're even thinking about making a change. And as you move forward, allow yourself to be good enough." Alice Domar

This quote reminds me of a friend who's been going through a hard time. This sums up everything I've been trying to them. Maybe, just maybe, someone else's words will have a greater impact on their thoughts than mine ever will. You know how as a parent your words are just lost on your children but they'll believe the same advice from a friend? Yea, that's how I feel right now with this friendship. It doesn't matter what I say or do, there's always an excuse involved and it's frustrating, so frustrating.

Please, do whatever you need to do to get to the point of applying the above quote to your life. Change your mentality and outlook on life. You'll be amazed at the progress you make in life, one day at a time.

Give yourself permission to be frustrated, down on your luck, depressed, upset, not in a good place. Recognize that it's okay to not be okay, that's okay to not be in the best place in your life right now.

The important thing is to then give yourself the same permission to be good enough. Allow yourself to accept that this stage, this experience, and who you are at this moment and every moment is good enough. 

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Poetry Posts


listen to the music
listen to the heartbeat of the pouring rain
listen to the birds chirping on a summer's day
listen to the children laughing in the background
look for the musician, for he has a song
look for the rainbow, for it has a pot of gold
look for the shining sun, for it has a story to tell
look for the girl with the misty eyes
ask her if she wants to stay and share her story,
for if you listen,
she'll be loved.
©14 November 2004

Time Will Never Change…

somehow, since you've been gone,
this time around,
I can breathe again
I can dream again of other things
And understand, without too much pain,
that time will change
and just because we want it to be
doesn't necessarily mean we'll be together forever.
I’ve learned that
time has changed us, and always will
it's inevitable
And we can’t control time or love
though time will never change my love for you
©5 March 2005

Friday, December 2, 2011

Quote of The Week

"Sometimes you have to distance yourself from people, not because you don't care, but because you need to move forward with your life."

When you get to a point in a relationship when all you feel is pain, you know it's time to move forward with your own life.  Sometimes you have to realize that you need to protect yourself & in order to do that, to stop putting yourself in situations that are hurting you.  For some reason, it's easier said than done.  It's harder to pick up and walk away knowing how much time & effort you've put into the relationship.  Because it's not just the other person you're leaving behind.  You're also leaving behind a piece of your heart.  You're not distancing yourself to hurt the other person, you're doing it to protect yourself, to live your own life, make your own decisions - to move forward with your own life.

Sunday, October 2, 2011

Inspirational Quote of the Day

"Love is not about finding the right person, but creating a right relationship. It's not about how much love you have in the beginning but how much love you build till the end." -- Author unknown

This is so true. After many years it doesn't matter how much you loved each other in the beginning, it's how strong of a foundation you built with each other. Similar to a house or other building - if the foundation is not sound, it's not going to hold so the slightest bit of storm or hardship is going to do its damage and sooner rather than later, it'll give out. If the foundation is strong, it'll weather the storms. 

Monday, May 30, 2011

Memorial Day - THANK YOU

(A Soldier Died Today)
by A. Lawrence Vaincourt

He was getting  old and paunchy and his hair was falling fast,
And he sat around the Legion, telling stories of the past.
Of a war that he had fought in and the deeds that he had done,
In his exploits with his buddies; they were heroes, every one.

And tho' sometimes, to his neighbors, his tales became a joke,
All his Legion buddies listened, for they knew whereof he spoke.
But we'll hear his tales no longer for old Bill has passed away,
And the world's a little poorer, for a soldier died today.

He will not be mourned by many, just his children and his wife,
For he lived an ordinary and quite uneventful life.
Held a job and raised a family, quietly going his own way,
And the world won't note his passing, though a soldier died today.

When politicians leave this earth, their bodies lie in state,
While thousands note their passing and proclaim that they were great.
Papers tell their whole life stories, from the time that they were young,
But the passing of a soldier goes unnoticed and unsung.

Is the greatest contribution to the welfare of our land
A guy who breaks his promises and cons his fellow man?
Or the ordinary fellow who, in times of war and strife,
Goes off to serve his Country and offers up his life?

A politician's stipend and the style in which he lives
Are sometimes disproportionate to the service that he gives.
While the ordinary soldier, who offered up his all,
Is paid off with a medal and perhaps, a pension small.

It's so easy to forget them for it was so long ago,
That the old Bills of our Country went to battle, but we know
It was not the politicians, with their compromise and ploys,
Who won for us the freedom that our Country now enjoys.

Should you find yourself in danger, with your enemies at hand,
Would you want a politician with his ever-shifting stand?
Or would you prefer a soldier, who has sworn to defend
His home, his kin and Country and would fight until the end?

He was just a common soldier and his ranks are growing thin,
But his presence should remind us we may need his like again.
For when countries are in conflict, then we find the soldier's part
Is to clean up all the troubles that the politicians start.

If we cannot do him honor while he's here to hear the praise,
Then at least let's give him homage at the ending of his days.
Perhaps just a simple headline in a paper that would say,
Our Country is in mourning, for a soldier died today.

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Quote of The Week

"Some people change us whether we want them to or not. They come into our lives, enter our hearts and we are touched forever. We are never the same after all of the special moments we've shared--from the pool parties to the picnics, from sledding in the parks to the trips to the beach in the summer, and from dinner on Friday nights to the movies on Saturday afternoons. And the moments that mean the most are the priceless ones shared during those outings when we've realized that none of us could have ever truly lived without the other." (me)

And the one that inspired the above:

"There comes a time in your life, when you walk away from all the drama & people who create it. You surround yourself with people who make you laugh, forget the bad, & focus on the good. So love the people who treat you right, pray for the ones who don't. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is a part of life, getting back up is living."

Monday, April 18, 2011

Fitness Success!

I went to the gym tonight in the hopes of improving my mood and increasing my energy. I succeeded. I didn't have any doubt that I would fail, mind you, I just didn't have the motivation to realize how great I would feel afterward. That is one of the biggest obstacles many people run into - not realizing just how great you always feel after a workout. How great I feel after an awesome workout has become one of my top reasons as to why it's important that I workout in the first place.

Yes, yes, I'm breaking a sweat and creating more laundry for myself and putting off some things to tomorrow that I could be doing today. It doesn't matter though because I'm in such a good mood that those "things" that supposedly "can't wait" will wait. Why? Because I will sleep better tonight and have more energy tomorrow to do those things that I put off.

In the long run (no pun intended), I will have more energy and feel better about myself and the world around me. I will also eventually look better, which will inadvertently make me feel even better about myself!! Working out on a regular basis (and eating healthier) creates more self-confidence which affects my attitude about myself. How I take care of and feel about myself affects how I will treat those around me, which will affect how people will treat me. It's a concept I figured out all by myself.

So as spring is (I hope) around the corner I am gearing up for softball season, bikini season, and a healthier, happier, and smarter me.

My goal is lose 15-20 pounds by the end of May. Current weight=138. Goal weight=118-123. The countdown is on!! 6 weeks and 20 pounds to go!!

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Social Media Addiction/Phyiscal Fitness

I lost track, but seriously, it's come to this: first thing I do in the morning when I get up is turn on my computer and check my facebook and twitter accounts. And I play Farmville. Everyday, without fail. And I've been playing since December. It's about time that I stop again. I deactivated Farmville for over a year for this very reason - I'm spending waaaaay too much time on this game!

So from here on out - the time that I spend on Farmville everyday will be spent looking for a full-time job and going to the gym to get some toning in. My health has been negatively affected by sitting around watching movies and playing computer games when I'm not at my sedentary office job. I've just been so physically and mentally drained with little to no motivation. Having been an athlete for most of my life I know that being physically active does wonders for body - both mentally and physically. I do know that I often feel 100% better after a good workout. Though knowing and doing are two completely different things.

With that, I'd to thank Kelly's Fitness for motivating me on the weekends!! 8am workouts on Saturday mornings can be a pain (literally), but it definitely puts the rest of my weekend into perspective and makes me feel so great!! It's also a great way for me to connect with my mom on a different level because we go together. We don't get to do a lot of things together, especially when it comes to sports and being physically active. Thank you Kelly, for giving us something to do together!

Accountability time. No more Farmville. My social media usage will be limited (a.k.a. no more stalking! I will call the person next time, instead of lurking on Facebook waiting for them to log in). My search for a full-time job will increase! How about a goal of at least 2 applications a day. Comment below if you're willing to hold me to these things!

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Time Flies - with social media

Everyone knows what "time flies" feels like. There are just not enough hours in the day! Our days have become so monotonous and impersonal, especially with the advent of mobile social media. The younger generations (let's say up to about age 35-40) are so connected all the time that the older folks have no idea how they can have multiple conversations at once.

Let me give you a little insight - As I'm typing this, I'm having 2 conversations via Facebook, checking my Twitter feed, checking my Meebo buddy list to see who else is online, checking my phone out of habit for text messages and also streaming an episode of Heroes: Season 3 on Netflix. I'm even thinking about what to have for lunch, what other companies I should look into for job openings, when I should go to the gym and even switching to streaming Heroes on TV so I have more screen space available on my laptop.

How is it possible that I can do so much at once while I'm seemingly doing nothing? Multitasking. It's what I (and my generation) do best. We're not satisfied until we're 100% connected to our friends on multiple platforms.

Oh, that reminds me, I have to check the 4 email accounts I have - 2 of which are through Google.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Mamata Tinou empowering her village

Women empowering their village and each other. It's the only successful way to lift a village out of poverty.

CARE works towards ending poverty worldwide, "to save lives, defeat poverty and achieve social justice" according to their mission statement. 

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

MRKH venting

Warning: Graphic Language

Some days are easier than others and today is one of those days where it's not. I just want to scream at the top of my lungs and tell everyone to just fuck off.

It's nothing personal, I'm just having a day where it's difficult to "deal with" the roller coaster I've been through.

Why? Because when I was 15 I was diagnosed with MRKH or Mayer Rokitansky Kuster Hauser syndrome. I was born without a uterus, or a cervix. So basically, I still ovulate but don't get an actual period. I still have my ovaries and fallopian tubes (all of which are normal, fortunately, some women with MRKH don't have that luxury) so I still ovulate monthly but don't actually bleed out.

Yes, yes, I know I'm lucky. But you're lucky for having the chance to get pregnant. You're lucky for having that opportunity. But if you really think about it - I'm not so lucky - I constantly get asked when my last period was and I have to say I don't get it, which warrants looks (from medical professionals mind you) that say "are you serious?" or "i didn't even know that was possible!" or the infamous one "you're so lucky!" Well, fuck you, for being so unprofessional and uneducated.

My gastroenterology PA actually heard about it when I was telling her my medical history. I was shocked, but then again she's in her late 20s or early 30s so she's young enough to have heard about it - or at least remember hearing about it in med school.

Then there's all the other complications that can go along with MRKH. I have a sub-condition called MURCS which stands for Mullerian Renal Cervicothoracic Somite abnormalities. In short, women can either have kidney abnormalities and/or bone/structural abnormalities associated with MRKH - all present at birth. Personally, I have congenital scoliosis and fortunately it has not caused any problems in of itself.

I also get a lot of symptoms of UTI's because of the way my anatomy is shaped - my gynecologist (God bless him, I don't know what I'm going to do when he retires or I have to move) told me that it'd normal for someone like me to have these symptoms because my anatomy is shaped differently. I don't know how it's different, just that it's different enough to cause some issues.

Then there are the (innocent) questions from women - "do you have an extra pad or tampon?" or the direct comments during conversations about pregnancy, giving birth, and child-rearing "just wait until you have kids, Laura, you'll get to experience all of this!"

How would you know that I'm planning on having kids?! Or that I even wanted to be listening to this type of conversation on my lunch break or on a night out? Most of the time, I tune it out or let it go but on days like today, I can't or won't. I listen to you bitch, moan and be the epitome of catty women, but when it comes to something like this, it's extremely difficult for me to just let it go.

I wanted kids. 4 to be exact. And now...I don't want kids at all because I'm so angry about it. Something I just cannot explain. You have to be an MRKHer to understand that.

I guess what I'm most angry at is that I didn't know that something like this was even possible. And with this whole health care reform going on - who knows if surrogacy will be covered at all. Or to be politically correct now it's "gestational carrier."

Please keep in mind that in the whole scheme of things all of this is just in the back of my mind. It doesn't bother me every second of every day. Like any human, I have my bad days and when I do, this thing surfaces even if it's not related. It's not personal, it just is what it is.

Friday, March 4, 2011


Imagine yourself
doing what
you love
And loving what
you do.
Being happy from
the inside out,
Experiencing your dreams
wide awake,
          BEING UNIQUE
                   BEING YOU –
Changing things to the way you know they can be –
          Living the life
                   You always imagined.

This is on a card created by American Greetings. It's on my mirror and I read it every morning.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Poem: America's Eyes

So many lives will end today
So many innocent people will die today
Every murdered person is one too many
When will we try to end this? Now is as good as any

As a group we can stand up against this
And give every orphaned child a kiss;
Tell her mommy is gone
Because daddy shot her with a gun

This is what is seen through America’s eyes,
One more act of violence, still people do not realize
They need to stop living in a world of their own
And make sure that Eagle Scout will have flown

The shooting at Columbine High
Has brought so many an unnecessary goodbye
Wake up America and realize
Too many people are dying before our eyes.

Originally written 1 April 2001

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Some Poetry

Some poetry I wrote in late 2000 as a freshman in high school.

Sometimes decisions seem so tough
Sometimes the best just isn’t enough
Right now my life has no meaning;
And when something good happens, I realize I’m dreaming
But when I see you, my hopes soar,
But you’re not aware you are the one I adore
My life seems to be all wishing, hoping, no reality
I just iwsh you would love me for eternity
“You would be so cute together” my friends say,
I can’t wait until that special day;
You and I always together, a team
That has always been my perfect dream
But that’s not what is happening now
How I wish you would understand me, but how?

I will find him—
the perfect guy,
the one in my dreams.
I will find true love—
the perfect feeling,
the feeling in my dreams.
Someday I will find both—
the perfect guy,
the perfect love.

There is someone for me,
And I will find love
Off in the distance
Is the perfect guy
In this world
Is my chance for happiness
Near or far
Sooner or later
I will find love
I will find the perfect guy
Off in the distance

I wish
I hope
I dream
That someday
That you and I can be together
Watching the sunset
And talking about our future
While we’re gazing at the stars
We remember our past
I wish
I hope
I dream
That someday
My dream will come true
Oh how I wish
How I hope and I dream
That you will know
How much I love you
I dream of us together
How I wish you knew
How true my love is

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Recurring Themes in Poetry, with examples

These next few poems I wrote the summer before 9th grade. This was the start of when I was going through a lot of emotional challenges like many kids do at that age. I wrote a lot about needing someone to lean on - you'll see many references to God, whether directly or indirectly.

At times of loneliness
When I feel lonely
you're there to comfort me
You're always there to listen
and you give me you're eyes to look through and see
that everything will be alright
What I see looking through your eyes
is the love that pulls me through everything
Sometimes your dedication and love take me by surprise
But I know that it is all for the better
and I should let myself love you completely
for there is no other way
because with you, I am learning to be me again
and to trust once more

Sometimes when you feel alone
and no one seems to understand
you feel you're the only one on your side, there is a friend you don't have to phone
He is an old friend to many, but to you He might be new
Just remember that so long ago He died for you and I.
He is a faithful friend
who is always there
He's willing to listen
you just gotta pray
He is someone on whom you can depend
Accept Him or not, do or dare
Need a break? He is there to talk or play
This very special friend of mine,
is the Son of God
Love Him, accept Him, talk to Him
And I want to thank you for your kind heart in accepting Him
because he accepts you for who you are
And just remember in times of need, it's Jesus you should call.

Face to Face
When I feel like I am all alone
I look above me to the sky
to find that friend I cannot phone
that friend, who so long ago, had to say goodbye

I wish I could see Him face to face,
and talk to Him like a human friend
I wonder what it's like up in that heavenly place,
to spend time up there with Him, a time without end.

When I am alone with no one to talk to
and no one wants to listen or has no time
I know I can talk to Him or do what He wants me to do
Whatever I do, help the poor or comfort a friend, He approves

I wish I could talk to Him face to face
and have a one on one friendly talk
But I know it'll be years before I see that place
I wish He was in the physical form, but He's
right here next to me, so all I have to do is pray
and He'll listen just like He's face to face

Forever will my love be strong for you
Through good and bad times my love is true
I mean it from the bottom of my heart
Because without you I would fall apart
Sometimes you feel like you don’t fit in
And this world doesn’t know what you hold within
But in your presence I sense something rare
You’re a bird that can fly anywhere
You shouldn’t need to worry
For when we are together you won’t be sorry

You’re not only one who feels left out
There are more lonely people out there without a doubt
I am one of them and I often feel that I don’t fit in
And the world doesn’t know what I hold within
When I am in your presence I sense you can tell I am something rare
I am like a fish and I can swim anywhere.

Lost Without You
I am clinging to my past
Desperately holding onto things that do not last
Oh, please I beg you to remember me
For always, friends shall we be?
There is so much pain
Such a strong ongoing pain
I can’t let it go
Can’t you understand me?
Why won’t you listen to what I have to say?
It is so frustrating to see you
and want to be your friend
when you won’t pay attention to me.
You see me walking towards you
And look the other way when we pass
Do you understand me?
Why won’t you respect me?
It doesn’t seem you’re even trying to be my friend
Can’t you see I care about you?
You sense something about the way I feel
And it’s probably scaring you away
You have a girlfriend, I understand
But I don’t want to be yours, just a friend
It’s all I need, all I want
Please at least try to understand, I am in denial
I make myself believe life is so fun and happy
But it’s all depressing. I can’t live or survive without you.

Shall we be?
You and me together?
Friends always and forever
Memories we made, always to remember
Of times we had together

Until the end of time I will be your friend
Forever, until our lives will end
When in need, a hand I will lend
Forever and always, I will be your friend

Feelings of friendship have blossomed into a crush
When I see you I begin to blush
When you notice me my blood begins to rush
How did this ever become a crush?

Time has passed and we’ve moved on.
I see you, our friendship remembered, lost for good and forever gone.
I will love you, though, until the morning dawn.
We all need someone to lean on.

When will you open your eyes and see
What everything about you means to me?
I know I was in the way of your dreams, of what you wanted to be
Only if I tell you, will you begin to see what your existence truly means to me

Be mine?
I know this might scare you away
But I need to tell you this today
before it's too late
I want to ask you on a date
but I don't want just one
I want to be your girl and I hope we can have fun
So I will just say what I began to say
I hope you don't mind and that it's okay
I hope you and I can last forever until the end
Will you be my boyfriend?

Monday, January 17, 2011

Poem: Tell Me

Tell me, why when I look into your eyes
all I see is fear and sorrow
all I see is pain and hurting
Tell me if I can change them
into confidence and love
happiness and contentment
Tell me if I can get rid of
that pain and sorrow
Tell me, am I the one who did this?
or was it someone else?
Tell me, can I change you back
to the way you were once?
Do you remember
how loving and caring you were?
always happy, always loving
and changing tears into laughter
When I was down,
you brought my spirits up
Tell me, must I do that for you now?
Is there someone causing you this pain?
Tell me, please, if I can help
Because I love you
When I looked in your eyes
before this day, I knew
God had spent a little more time on you
But today, when I look in your eyes
all I see is fear and suffering
You may think me stupid
but it is true,
there is something wrong.
Tell me how I can help
you have never acted like this before
you were so happy and carefree
Now you are sad afraid
Tell me you problems, let me in.
I'll listen...I'll help you.
Tell me because I love you.

Originally written in Spring 2000