Sunday, September 27, 2009

What is going on?

I don't know what's going on in my life. Graduating in a few months has me very confused. I'm in limbo...not sure what to do and not sure what kind of job to be looking for, if at all, or when. I thought I knew, but it seems like every chance I have doesn't work out. The Peace Corps is looking more and more inviting. If only I could find the motivation to finish the application. Fear stops me though. Fear of the unknown...of the possibility of rejection. :-(

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Poem: Surprise Me

waiting... patiently...
for something to come along
for my life to change
must i make something happen?
or will something simply occur?
waking up crying at night
wondering where you are
confusing state of mind
searching for an explanation
wanting an answer
yearning for my life to be complete
i am empty, unsolved, lost, broken,
...without you
i am completely, 100%, entirely, solely, relentlessly, forever
hearts break, tears fall, souls shatter, hopes die
when we this cruel cruel world
so with you, i feel so ALIVE
AWAKE, like i can breathe again
you are my reason, my happiness, my blue skies
there is one reason,
one reason only,
why i am waiting...
I'm waiting for you to come along.


Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Selected Poetry

8 March 2007
lives change
dreams drift away
guilt consumes me
stress overcomes my mind
concentration is nonexistent
so many distractions
as the words attempt to appear
out of the cloudy thoughts in my mind
pen to paper
mind to matter
and the concentration continues to waive
I look up and once again
our eyes meet and soon…
nothing else matters.

Closer to God
and comfortable with myself…
A stress free life
leads me to believe I need
to change something

Something’s telling me
to take a load off
clear things off my plate
re-evaluate the important things in my life

And I have discovered that you are
and so is HE
school and family mean so much
so much more than work

What does that say about me?
What does that tell you about the kind of person that I am?
(c) March 15, 2007


So many pages, so little time
so little inspiration
the thoughts linger in my mind
the feelings exist
the words slowly appear before me.

With great difficulty
I attempt to express
the love that I feel
the happiness within
and the confusion, the frustration
that constantly lingers
somewhere in the cobwebs
of my clouded mind
(c) March 15, 2007

at a loss for words
the well has run dry
and for what purpose must I search?
to find new reason to put words on paper
excitement, passion
love and humor
anger and hate
the feelings come together
and the well is no longer dry
I’ve found what I was searching for
a reason to write
a reason to love
a reason to live…
(c) 12 July 2007

July 2007
it’s been too long
and sometimes not long enough
it depends on the situation
on the breakup
the good blood or bad blood
how much heartache
and how long it takes
for the heart to heal

25 July 2007
you’re the one I want to be with at night
and wake next to with the morning light
I love the feeling of our bodies so close as we sleep
I never thought I’d find a love this deep
into your eyes I look and smile
knowing my time with you is worthwhile
sleep tight now
I’ll always love you, this I vow
for in the morning, we’ll start anew
and prove again that our love is true
day by day, moment by moment, we grow stronger
pushing to be together longer

August 2007
the music fades
yet the tune lingers on
lyrics inspire the poet
and words begin to flow
I reach out to you
trying to make you realize my pain
now you try and succeed
you make my heart melt each time
just like when we first met
I love the looks in your eyes
the way you put your arms around me
the love I feel flowing through us
is stronger than I imagined possible
and here I sit stumped
not knowing what to write next
your brown eyes see deep into mine
shivers ravage my spine
and butterflies tighten my stomach
nervousness, happiness, pain, love
it’s all worth it in the end
you’re worth waiting for
because you are so beautiful to me

maybe we have been lonely too long
looking for someone to lean on
to hold us when the tears fall
when the glass is half empty
and the pieces of our broken hearts
are small enough to fit
through the eye of a needle
each night I pray as I look to the stars
that this won’t be the last time
I see your smiling face
the phone calls mean so much
the words just seem to flow
and I wake each morning
knowing I will see you today
and my world brightens
I’ll miss these nights
and everything we’ve shared
so as we sit here and talk
hold onto these moments
and cherish the memories forever
because true friendship lasts for a lifetime
the heart will always remember
when a wish upon a star came true
and the pieces of our broken hearts
were made whole once more

30 August 2007
when I am angry
when I am hurt, feeling so alone
it’s your touch I long to feel
when the tears are close to falling
when I don’t know what to do
it’s you I turn to
when the world comes crashing down
when the possible feels impossible
it’s your voice I long to hear
I’d love to feel your arms surround me
your body pressed hard against mine
forever protecting me from the evils
I am trying desperately to escape
when I see you gazing down at me
everything else just fades away
I’ve never been so cared for
I’ve never felt so loved

27 September 2007
take me back to the place where we first met
‘lest we wont forget
though we must go forward
take the time to know who we are
I love you and you love me
so much time together—forever
but if you get there before I do
don’t give up on me
I will meet you when my chores are through here
just remember this for me—
between now and then
until I see you again
I’ll be loving you
I promise I will be there someday
I don’t know when or how long I’ll be
but please, don’t give up on me
I’d do the same for you
so just remember one more thing for me—
I’ll always be thinking of you
because you hold a special place in my heart
and have made a footprint on my soul

Why Do You Love Me
some days are better than others
like today when I felt your arms embrace me
I knew everything would be okay again
after extended times of not seeing you
I tend to lose my cool, my emotional security
I begin to wonder why anyone would love me
then you prove to me again and again
why you love me so much
and explain so many times why you love me
you must be tired of it
I must hear it though, spoken from your lips
to build me up in times such as these
when I feel the world has turned against me
so I ask when I need to hear it most…
why do you love me?
and other times you volunteer information
you call me nicknames, compliment me
it used to be enough for you to give me a look
and I’d know, but I need to hear it now
please tell me—why do you love me? how much?

6 October 2007

I don’t know what to do
I don’t know what to say
I don’t know if it matters anyway
you’re the best thing about me
so that’s the only thing about me
it’s the only thing I can see about me
as being positive
you are everything to me

14 November 2007

taking my time
to think of what to say
there’s almost no words
to explain the way I feel for you
our history is so diverse
we are so connected
and that is the best way
I can explain our love
and now this is turning to be
so well written, so carefree
but I have no confidence
-maybe it’s one of the worst poems
I’ve written in so long-
but I am doing my best
you are my best friend
you are the one I turn to
in times of need
we are so much alike
yet so different
you are the one I want forever
you are the one I need always
for the rest of my life
we are so much in love
I don’t see that changing anytime soon
I love you baby, always

Come Together

coming together as one
creating one life out of two
committing to spending the rest of our lives together, forever
promising our love to each other
friends forever (and ever)
lovers always and eternally
I promise to keep on loving you
to stand by you in times of need
and celebrate with you in times of greatness and happiness
we will celebrate together in victory
and grieve together in sadness

we sit here and talk about us
sometimes I wonder what’s with all the fuss
but it’s worth it in the end
you are my best friend
we may not be perfect or the best
for we will always be put to the test
despite these issues we have going on
I hope we will be together for many more years to come
I know there will be many tears
in the future endeavors we will face throughout the years
these lines have become so long
all I can say is, one of us will be wrong
in some way or another
someone needs to take the blame
I don’t think there is any shame
each new day brings a new sunshine
and it will also bring a new time
another chance, another chance
another song, new music, a new dance
another day to fall in love once more
too much to believe? more than asked for
we have always gone above and beyond—it’s who we are
we have always done our best to go above the par
to exceed the expectations placed on us
so what’s with all of the fuss?
do I have to write pages upon pages?
is this the way I will earn my wages?
to prove our love to all of you?
well, I promise it will always ring true
like the bells in the bell tower
as true as the deep colors o a red red rose flower
even in the darkest hours of the night
or the highest hour of the daylight
we will always be questioned from day to day
even in the heat of the night as we lay
but we will be stronger for it, so strong
and to me, it doesn’t matter how long
it can take forever and a day
or not even a minute. What do you say?
Are you ready to stand beside me for the rest of time?

This Is For You

this I write for you
to show my love rings true
as I sit here and dream of us
you are the one I will always trust
it is amazing to me
how this could ever be
we are so comfortable like this
I hope it never ends, you are the one I would miss
all of the moments that we share
and all of the ways you show you care
a hug, a laugh, a kiss, a smile, a look
so special that I am writing it here in this book

28 June 2007
driving down the interstate
running thirty minutes late
already pissed off when someone cuts me off
I flipped him off as rain begins to pour
then my cell phone rings
but I don’t like to answer while driving
driving down the interstate
running thirty minutes late
and that’s why my mother’s calling
calling about the dinner date I failed to keep
and this is only the end of a hard day’s job
customer’s demanding I want it done right
employees stressing, quitting, staying late
just for the extra money
will it ever end?

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Poem: Where Do I Go From Here?

don't know what to do
don't know what to say
don't know if it even matters anyway
not sure how to explain
what i feel deep down in my heart

it's like we're going our separate ways
like i'm trying to branch out
and you aren't, you're set in the way you are
where you are in your life is fine for you
i don't understand
i don't know why this is happening
always thought you'd be my best friend forever
that i could talk to you
about anything and everything
but this...
...this is different
and so much more difficult

reaching deep down inside myself
...trying to find the words
...the explanations, the excuses, the reasons
why i feel this way and what i think about all of this

the confusion never waivers
can't help but wonder
...if something better could come along
if there's life out there...
...a better future, more exciting than the one i see
But wondering has never gotten me anywhere

Monday, September 7, 2009

Last Semester at Temple!

I am graduating in December...yay! Started classes last Tuesday and already the workload is piling up! I've had so much reading to do and few assignments that I don't anticipate being able to do any kind of personal writing or reading. It's getting to be too difficult to remember all of the assignments, so I have to keep writing them down. I used to be able to remember all of my assignments for each class and when they're due. Of course, I'd have to check each week to see what is due, but now I can't do that!

With graduating college comes mixed feelings and emotions. I am excited for the next chapter of my life and to accomplish my dream of graduating college. I am excited to start a full time job, whenever and wherever that may happen. I am excited to finally be done with school, for now anyway, until I go for my Master's degree, but that will happen eventually. I am nervous that I haven't yet found a full-time job, but that will come and I certainly hope it will happen sooner rather than later. I am nervous about paying off my student debt, especially since I don't have a full-time job yet. Fortunately I do have a part-time job that will keep me on after I graduate and they keep showing interest in me for full-time jobs so as long as I keep my head down and keep working hard something will pay off.

Once I graduate though, I'll have more time to read and write for leisure! Stay tuned.