MRKH venting

Warning: Graphic Language

Some days are easier than others and today is one of those days where it's not. I just want to scream at the top of my lungs and tell everyone to just fuck off.

It's nothing personal, I'm just having a day where it's difficult to "deal with" the roller coaster I've been through.

Why? Because when I was 15 I was diagnosed with MRKH or Mayer Rokitansky Kuster Hauser syndrome. I was born without a uterus, or a cervix. So basically, I still ovulate but don't get an actual period. I still have my ovaries and fallopian tubes (all of which are normal, fortunately, some women with MRKH don't have that luxury) so I still ovulate monthly but don't actually bleed out.

Yes, yes, I know I'm lucky. But you're lucky for having the chance to get pregnant. You're lucky for having that opportunity. But if you really think about it - I'm not so lucky - I constantly get asked when my last period was and I have to say I don't get it, which warrants looks (from medical professionals mind you) that say "are you serious?" or "i didn't even know that was possible!" or the infamous one "you're so lucky!" Well, fuck you, for being so unprofessional and uneducated.

My gastroenterology PA actually heard about it when I was telling her my medical history. I was shocked, but then again she's in her late 20s or early 30s so she's young enough to have heard about it - or at least remember hearing about it in med school.

Then there's all the other complications that can go along with MRKH. I have a sub-condition called MURCS which stands for Mullerian Renal Cervicothoracic Somite abnormalities. In short, women can either have kidney abnormalities and/or bone/structural abnormalities associated with MRKH - all present at birth. Personally, I have congenital scoliosis and fortunately it has not caused any problems in of itself.

I also get a lot of symptoms of UTI's because of the way my anatomy is shaped - my gynecologist (God bless him, I don't know what I'm going to do when he retires or I have to move) told me that it'd normal for someone like me to have these symptoms because my anatomy is shaped differently. I don't know how it's different, just that it's different enough to cause some issues.

Then there are the (innocent) questions from women - "do you have an extra pad or tampon?" or the direct comments during conversations about pregnancy, giving birth, and child-rearing "just wait until you have kids, Laura, you'll get to experience all of this!"

How would you know that I'm planning on having kids?! Or that I even wanted to be listening to this type of conversation on my lunch break or on a night out? Most of the time, I tune it out or let it go but on days like today, I can't or won't. I listen to you bitch, moan and be the epitome of catty women, but when it comes to something like this, it's extremely difficult for me to just let it go.

I wanted kids. 4 to be exact. And now...I don't want kids at all because I'm so angry about it. Something I just cannot explain. You have to be an MRKHer to understand that.

I guess what I'm most angry at is that I didn't know that something like this was even possible. And with this whole health care reform going on - who knows if surrogacy will be covered at all. Or to be politically correct now it's "gestational carrier."

Please keep in mind that in the whole scheme of things all of this is just in the back of my mind. It doesn't bother me every second of every day. Like any human, I have my bad days and when I do, this thing surfaces even if it's not related. It's not personal, it just is what it is.