Poem Flashback to 2002

I am reviving some poems I wrote in high school. It's amazing how much time can impact your perspective on things. Eleven years after writing these, I can't help but wonder who I was writing these about, and almost want to cringe at the teenage angst I felt.

I Want
I want you to notice me
The way I notice you

I want you to love me
The way I love you

I want you to hold me
The way I hold you

I want you to want me
The way I want you

I want you to need me
The way I need you

I want you to see me
The way I see you

I want you to like me
The way I like you

I want you to notice me
I want you to love me

I want you to hold me, want me
I want you to need me

I want you to see me, like me
I want to be with you forever
I want to be in love with you for always
©28 February 2002

This One Time
Once I was falling in love
Now everything is falling apart
No one understands how I feel
No one knows me well enough
To help me deal
I’m trying to comprehend what is going on
Once I understand one thing, it’s gone
I’ve turned another twisting, winding curve
What did I do? Why such treatment I deserve?
He doesn’t know how strong my
Feelings are for him
The lights seem so very dim
I can hardly see; everything is so very difficult to see
How can he not understand?
How can this possibly be?
I have tried so hard to let him know
I must let him know again, it must be so
I will confess my true love and feelings for you…
©8 March 2002

Come and Go
I remember when everything seemed to be going my way
But now everything is falling apart
I am so confused
I am so alone
No one seems to understand what I am going through
I am falling out of love
We had the best of our lives together
I thought I would love you forever
But now when I am with you, the love is gone
A sense of security and understanding
All gone with the setting sunsets
It’s put to rest for eternity
In the rising moon and shining stars
My love for you
Will not rise again with the bright orange sun
Our candle has burned out
But the memories never will
©April 2002

Hazard
I have come to realize my dream
To become a better person; someone else
I want to be somebody else
Don’t let me get me
I am a hazard to myself
Don’t want to be my friend no more
Every morning I fight a war with the mirror
I can’t stand myself no more
I’m ready to shove myself out the door
I am a hazard to myself
I just can’t do it anymore
Living the life of someone else
©17 April 2002

Inspiration...lack of
A pen in my hand
A pile of papers on the desk
I want to write, but what about?
Why won’t you tell me what you feel?
What is so wrong?
Why does it seem everyone is so against me?
He doesn’t like me.
Never have.
Never will.
I will never be popular
I have never fit in.
I look in the mirror and cringe
Not at the physical image,
            But at the internal one
I don’t like what I’ve become
I can’t stand who I might be
I have forgotten who I was.
©30 April 2002

Mend My Heart
Every night I cry myself to sleep
Wondering why I am in a hole so deep
I can’t get out, I can’t stop falling
A bottomless pit, can’t stop bawling
I wish my tears would dry up forever
As long as I am falling, I can’t hold it together
I was so happy and so carefree!
Not I am suffering so. How can this be?
I felt nothing could knock my world apart
Now, piece by piece the pain tearing at my heart
I need someone, anyone, to touch my hand
            Let me touch the sky
Do this, mend my broken wings so I can fly
Be the wind beneath my wings and help me soar
No one knows what is inside me, a secret forevermore
I can’t confess, so many things I fail
I cry night after night and fill pail after pail
Who will hold me and not let me drop?
Who will love me and never ever stop?
So many problems, I can’t take this sadness
Make me better, bring my gladness
Make me happy, make me strong again
When there are days when everything is wrong
Anyone, be my strength, be my friend.
            Please don’t pretend.
Save me from the river made of tears I am crying
Deeper and deeper I fall, I’m holding on, I’m trying
How can everyone be so happy when I’m so sad?
That makes me so upset, so very mad!
Soon I will stop trying, forget, won’t care
Don’t stop me, don’t you dare
I am on the edge, try to help me and you’ll come too
You didn’t tell me this would happen!! Your fault!! You knew!!
Try to help me and I will save you!!
I will save you from this cruel, cruel world!!
©April 2002

Time to Say Goodbye
When she was finally gone
She took a piece of my heart
When she went to heaven, I fell apart
Year after year we found the other when we were lost
We stuck together, whatever the cost
Now I am lost, but I can’t find her. She’s gone.
I still love her. She’s still my best friend.
That’s why I am crying.
That’s why I am here to say goodbye.
And to say one more time that I love you.
©April 2002

WHY?
why do you say you understand me
when you don’t even listen when I speak to thee?
you hear me, but don’t comprehend
and then say you understand
would you please care about what I have to say?
listen to me
don’t say you understand
when you haven’t listened
to what I have to say
but no matter how I attempt to explain
you will never fully comprehend
what I am
who I am
what there is inside of me
©19 May 2002

Who's There?
who can save me?
who understands the problems
that I must endure, alone?
I am surviving
hanging on by one single string
hoping, wishing I could tear him apart
bone by bone, piece by piece
but he is not the only one to blame
he did leave me with one single kiss
I was falling apart;
beginning to lose heart
I couldn’t keep my life together
but still I hoped he’d love me forever
no one (not even me) knew what was going on
when I began to feel so alone, afraid, scared
when he left because of that, I spiraled
            down even farther
I was too foolish and scared to stop him
            from leaving me forever
©6 June 2002